25 weeks, 4 days
On July 11, the head of the Complicated Obstetrics team came by. During her visit, she suggested that even if my contractions remain under control, she’d like to keep me in the hospital until 28 weeks. This news came on the day of JP’s birthday and the idea of being away from home for an entire month was too much to process at the time, so I shoved the info far away to cope with on another day.
But contractions have been well controlled with medication – the same medication – for many days now and it became increasingly clear that I could be doing the same thing (resting) at home. In fact, a disadvantage to my hospital stay is the increasing amount of stress I feel being away from my family. (That can’t be good for Tabitha either.) The doctors recognize this too and, this morning, made the decision that I could be safely discharged…today!!
In his book, Can You Drink the Cup, Henri Nouwen writes, “The cup of life is the cup of joy as much as it is the cup of sorrow. It is the cup in which sorrow and joys, sadness and gladness, mourning and dancing are never separated. If joys could not be where sorrows are, the cup of life would never be drinkable. That is why we have to hold the cup in our hands and look carefully to see the joys hidden in our sorrows.” (47)
To say that this has been a challenging time for our family is an understatement. Over the past eleven days, we have experienced a deep well of emotions that we’d only touched the surface of before. At times, feelings of despair, fear, and loneliness were overwhelming. Tedd and I have never cried more. I suspect that sounds silly to some of you. But it has been our reality – and we are not ashamed.
This has also been a time of unexpected joy. We have never been more grateful.
Thank you to the Comp OB team who both worried and celebrated with us each day. Thank you, especially, to Dr. Urzua, the intern OB/GYN who became our liaison and number one advocate. I want you to know how much we appreciate your compassion and the special attention you gave us. We will tell Tabitha stories about you and keep you and your family in our prayers.
Thanks to the friends, colleagues, and family members (especially Mah Mah) who have helped in ways too many to list. We were particularly touched by a visit from our friends, Kelli and Tinh, who called in every single day and came all the way from San Diego for a visit with their adorable three month old, Renee. Your love has been a blessing to us.
Personally, I have been impacted with a greater respect and appreciation for my husband. He's been working so hard. I don’t think many mommies could leave their one-year-old with their daddy and not worry…at all. But Tedd is an awesome, involved parent and JP just adores him. Never once have I felt the need to remind Tedd to do something for our son. I trust his decisions completely. Each day when he and JP visited, they came armed with the gift of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, for emergency use when the hospital food was just too gross. Little things like that reminded me of how thoughtful this man is. While he scurried around caring for his family, I was also grateful for his vulnerability in the quiet times. “I want you to come home, please,” he’d say softly every night. And now I am…right here.
But back to the joy found in the midst of sorrow…God was there in the darkest moments…is here right now. A week ago, I said to Tedd, “This might transform our faith.” His reply? “It already has.” And I think that’s true for both of us. God has been so faithful in answering our prayers. My trust in the Lord has never been greater and we continue to pray for his protection for our family.
That’s enough for tonight.
Posted by Tedd and Joanna Szeto